From First Message to Last

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From First Message to Last

By: Dr. C.G. Mcfadden

Bullying and cyber-stalking don’t arrive fully formed. They’re a sequence: an initial slight or grievance, an escalation through repeated attacks made easier by online tools, and — for many victims — a long tail of fear, isolation, and trauma. Below I map the arc of a typical victim’s experience, then dig into the mindset and diagnostic patterns (DSM-5 and related literature) we see in people who perform these acts. I’ll address differences by gender, give real-world cases as examples, and point to research and official resources. This is hard, sometimes ugly material — but precise language and careful sourcing matter when we want to stop it.

The victim’s journey — start to finish

1. The spark (first contact / slight).
Often it begins with what looks like a small thing: an insult, an embarrassing photo, a rumor, or exclusion from a group. Online, a single message can be copied, reshared, and ratcheted up quickly. Because digital platforms enable anonymity and rapid spread, something that might have stayed local in the pre-internet era becomes public and permanent. Research shows anonymity and online disinhibition are key drivers of why ordinary social conflicts can erupt into cyberbullying. PMC

2. Escalation (repetition + amplification).
Bullies reuse patterns: repeated messages, creating fake accounts, DMs at odd hours, doxxing, or sharing private images. Stalking adds a different element — persistent monitoring, threats, and behaviors designed to make the target fear for safety. The Office for Victims of Crime defines stalking as a course of conduct intended to control or instill fear; victims show higher rates of anxiety, insomnia and depression. Office for Victims of Crime

3. Isolation and erosion of trust.
Targets withdraw from school, work, or social life. They stop posting online, change habits, and often blame themselves. This isolation makes them more vulnerable to continued abuse.

4. Secondary harms: legal, financial, and reputational.
Victims may spend money on security, legal advice, or mental-health care. Their reputation can be damaged by false narratives. Because laws and platform policies vary, victims can struggle to find quick remedies. Studies and systematic reviews show cyberstalking produces long-term psychological harm and that institutional responses are often slow or inconsistent. ScienceDirectOffice for Victims of Crime

5. Recovery or chronic trauma.
Some victims recover with support, therapy, and community response; others endure chronic PTSD-like symptoms. Effective recovery typically needs practical fixes (privacy removal, legal orders) plus psychological support.

The perpetrator’s mindset — motives, goals, and common patterns

Perpetrators aren’t a single “type.” But research and forensic psychiatry cluster their motives and traits into recurring patterns:

Common goals behind bullying / cyber-stalking

  • Power and control. Many actions are about dominating the target, proving superiority, or asserting control over someone’s social standing. (Stalking is often explicitly about control.) Office for Victims of Crime

  • Revenge or retaliation. Ex-partners frequently use cyber-harassment to retaliate or “punish.”

  • Narcissistic injury and shame avoidance. When someone’s self-image is threatened, they may lash out online to restore status. This is commonly reported in studies of interpersonal aggression. PMCpsychiatry.org

  • Thrill, financial gain, or status. In revenge-porn markets, operators profited from publishing private images (example: IsAnyoneUp and Hunter Moore). Department of JusticeWikipedia

Psychological/diagnostic patterns (DSM-5 frame)

The DSM-5 itself doesn’t have a single “stalking disorder,” but forensic and clinical literature map stalking/cyber-harassing behaviors onto several DSM-5 personality and psychotic syndromes. Key candidates:

  1. Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) / psychopathy spectrum — superficial charm, deceit, violation of others’ rights, lack of remorse. People with prominent ASPD traits may stalk, harass, or run exploitative schemes because they don’t internalize others’ wellbeing. Clinical descriptions of ASPD match repeated rule-breaking, manipulation and cruelty. Mayo ClinicMSD Manuals

  2. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) — grandiosity, entitlement, lack of empathy. Cyber-harassment can be a tool for those who feel humiliated and need to re-assert dominance or publicly shame someone to protect their self-image. NPD is more commonly diagnosed in males in many datasets, although covert narcissism exists across genders. psychiatry.orgCleveland Clinic

  3. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) (in some presentations) — intense fear of abandonment, splitting, impulsivity. When someone with BPD reacts to perceived rejection, they can engage in vindictive or persistent communications; however, most people with BPD are not violent or criminal, so this is one possible pathway—not a blanket explanation.

  4. Delusional disorders (erotomanic type) and other psychoses — some stalkers genuinely believe in an imagined relationship. Classic psychiatric studies of stalkers found a sizable subgroup with psychotic or delusional illness (e.g., erotomania), especially among “intimacy-seeking” stalkers. Psychiatry Online

  5. Pathological jealousy / obsessive traits — obsessive thinking about one person plus intrusive monitoring maps onto obsessive and some personality pathology domains. Emerging dimensional DSM-5 models (AMPD) have been used to connect stalker behaviors to pathological traits like antagonism, disinhibition, and negative affectivity. PubMed

Bottom line: stalking and cyberbullying are multipath phenomena. For some perpetrators, the core problem is a personality disorder (pervasive traits); for others it’s momentary disinhibition aided by anonymity; and for a minority it’s delusional belief. Treatments and legal responses differ by that cause.

Why men do it — why women do it (gender patterns)

  • Men: empirical work shows men are overrepresented in severe forms of online sexual exploitation and revenge-porn operations and more likely to display overt hostility, pursuit behaviors, and aggression tied to entitlement or dominance motives. Cluster B pathology (ASPD, NPD) historically has higher prevalence in men, which helps explain some of the gender skew in violent and criminal cyber-harassment. Mayo ClinicCleveland Clinic

  • Women: women engage in cyberbullying too, but studies show differences in form and motive. Women more often participate in relational aggression (social exclusion, gossip, reputation damage) and may rely on covert accounts, group shaming, or social sabotage. A systematic study of cyberstalking motivations found that gender shapes motives: some women act out of social retaliation or as part of peer dynamics rather than predatory control. PMC+1

Important nuance: gender differences are tendencies, not rules. Plenty of men use relational aggression; plenty of women engage in persistent, threatening stalking. Context (age, community norms, platform, history of trauma) matters hugely.

Mapping behaviors to DSM-5 diagnoses — practical examples

  • Revenge-porn operator who recruits photos, hides behind “it’s legal” bravado → traits consistent with antisocial/exploitative conduct and possibly psychopathy (manipulation, no remorse). Example: Hunter Moore’s IsAnyoneUp. He admitted hiring hackers and profiting, and was prosecuted for related crimes. WikipediaDepartment of Justice

  • Teen who creates a fake persona to humiliate a classmate → often peer-group relational aggression, amplified by online disinhibition; may not meet a personality disorder threshold but can still cause catastrophic harm. Example: the Megan Meier / Lori Drew MySpace hoax — the hoax messages preceded Megan’s suicide and sparked debates about legal gaps in cyberbullying statutes. Wikipedia+1

  • Individual who becomes convinced a celebrity/stranger loves them and then stalks them → may fit delusional disorder, erotomanic type, or psychosis if fixed false beliefs drive stalking; psychiatric forensic studies find such cases in the “intimacy-seeking” stalker subgroup. Psychiatry Online

  • Someone blackmails a target with private photos and threats → a mix of antisocial/psychopathic traits and opportunistic criminality; sometimes also involves learned social rewards (likes, status) that normalize the behavior. High-profile revenge-porn prosecutions highlight this mix. Department of JusticeThe Guardian

Real cases (brief summaries) — what they show us

1. Megan Meier (2006) — fake profile → suicide

A MySpace hoax in which adults created a fake teenage persona and sent cruel messages; Megan Meier died by suicide. The case exposed how quickly online cruelty can become lethal and fueled calls for new laws and platform accountability. It demonstrated the power of anonymity and the real-world consequences of online relational aggression. WikipediaThe Guardian

2. Amanda Todd (2012) — extortion, harassment → suicide

Amanda Todd’s case (Canada) involved sextortion, blackmail, and prolonged online harassment that culminated in her death. Her story made clear how exploitation (often sexual) plus persistent online threats can cascade into isolation, fear, and despair for the victim. It also highlighted cross-border challenges for law enforcement and the need for education on online privacy. WikipediaCIGI

3. Hunter Moore / IsAnyoneUp (2010s) — organized revenge porn → prosecution

Hunter Moore ran a site that posted private images of people without consent and monetized their exposure. He later pled guilty to crimes related to hacking and identity theft after victims and activists pushed for enforcement. This shows how some cyber-harassment moves beyond interpersonal malice into organized, profit-driven exploitation. WikipediaFederal Bureau of Investigation

What the research recommends (prevention and response)

  • Early education and digital literacy — teach young people how permanence, screenshotting, and sharing work. Anonymity breeds disinhibition; teaching empathy and online consequences helps. PMC

  • Clear platform policies + swift enforcement — removal, blocking, and transparency reporting help reduce harm. Systematic reviews call for coordinated platform, legal, and clinical responses. ScienceDirect

  • Mental-health assessment of perpetrators — when behavior is persistent or escalates to threats, a psychiatric or forensic evaluation can clarify whether psychosis, personality disorder, or situational factors are driving it — which in turn guides interventions. Studies show a mix of psychotic and personality profiles among stalkers, so one-size-fits-all approaches fail. Psychiatry OnlinePubMed

  • Support for victims — immediate safety planning, legal advice, documentation of incidents, and trauma-informed therapy; victims should be connected with victim-service agencies (e.g., OVC resources). Office for Victims of Crime

Ethical and clinical cautions

  • Don’t diagnose from a distance. The DSM-5 criteria require careful clinical assessment. In this blog I’ve mapped common patterns and cited sources — but a lawyer or friend labeling someone a personality disorder without assessment is both unethical and unhelpful. Use diagnostic frameworks to explain behavior patterns, not to excuse criminal acts. psi.uba.arMayo Clinic

  • Criminal acts deserve legal accountability even when mental illness is present. Psychiatry helps explain, not absolve.

Concrete takeaways for victims, bystanders, and clinicians

If you’re a victim: collect evidence (screenshots, timestamps, URLs), block & report, seek local victim services, and get medical/mental-health support. If threats escalate, notify law enforcement and tell them it’s a pattern of stalking — that phrasing helps triage the case. Office for Victims of CrimeScienceDirect

If you’re worried someone you know is doing it: encourage assessment — if it’s delinquent, criminal, or psychotic behavior, professional intervention is needed. If it’s adolescence and peer dynamics, restorative approaches and education can sometimes stop escalation. PMCPubMed

For clinicians: consider differential diagnoses (personality disorder vs. delusional vs. situational), and coordinate with victim services and law enforcement when danger exists. Emerging dimensional models in DSM-5 (AMPD) can help map traits (antagonism, disinhibition) to risk of persistent harassment. PubMedPsychiatry Online

Sources & further reading (key citations)

  • Office for Victims of Crime — Stalking (definition, victim impact). Office for Victims of Crime

  • Patchin, J. W., & Hinduja, S. — High School Students’ Perceptions of Motivations for Cyberbullying (research on anonymity/disinhibition). PMC

  • Systematic literature review — Cyberstalking (synthesis of empirical findings). ScienceDirect

  • PubMed / forensic literature — Stalking perpetration and the Alternative DSM-5 Model (links personality traits to stalking). PubMed

  • American Journal of Psychiatry — classic study of stalkers (psychotic and personality subgroups). Psychiatry Online

  • Megan Meier / Lori Drew case coverage (background on MySpace case). Wikipedia+1

  • Amanda Todd case summary and analysis (cyberbullying and extortion). WikipediaCIGI

  • FBI / DOJ and major press on Hunter Moore / revenge porn prosecutions. Federal Bureau of InvestigationThe Guardian

  • American Psychiatric Association / major clinical sources for ASPD and NPD (DSM-5 descriptions and clinical summaries). Mayo Clinicpsychiatry.org

Lets be clear Bullying and cyber-stalking are crimes of relation: they happen between people in a social matrix (peers, exes, strangers enabled by platforms). To stop them we need legal teeth, platform responsibility, and clinical insight into why people hurt others. If you want, I can:

  • expand this into a referenced academic-style piece with full citations in APA format,

  • create a victim-facing checklist for immediate steps after harassment, or

  • draft a short policy memo for a dojo/school/platform about responding to cyberbullying.

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