The Courage to Be Hated & How to Stop Needing Approval

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The Courage to Be Hated & How to Stop Needing Approval

By: Dr. C.G Mcffaden

Introduction — The Disease No One Wants to Admit They Have

If you want to know what controls most people’s lives, it’s not money. It’s not even fear of failure.
It’s the fear of being disliked.

We dress for it, speak for it, buy for it, vote for it, post for it. We contort ourselves into more socially acceptable versions of who we really are just to make other people comfortable.

And the worst part? Many people die without ever realizing they’ve been living on a leash.

The need for approval isn’t harmless—it is paralysis disguised as politeness. And in a world where the loudest voices often set the rules, approval-seeking is the fastest way to become irrelevant, invisible, and unfulfilled.

The truth is, you will never live fully until you are willing to be hated.

The Psychology Behind Approval-Seeking

We’re wired for connection—evolution rewarded those who stayed in the tribe. Being cast out meant danger, even death. That survival wiring still hums in our brains, but in the modern world, it’s a liability.

Where once “fitting in” meant staying alive, now it often means killing who you are to keep others happy.

Here’s how it manifests:

  • Conflict avoidance: You avoid telling the truth because it might upset someone.

  • Over-explaining: You justify your actions endlessly, hoping for reassurance.

  • Inconsistent values: You bend your principles to match whoever is in the room.

  • Social media addiction: You measure your worth by likes and comments.


The Hidden Cost of Needing Approval

If you are living for approval, here’s the bill you’ll eventually pay:

  1. You’ll never know who you are.
    You can’t discover your true values if you keep swapping them out to match the audience.

  2. You’ll be replaceable.
    People who stand for nothing are easy to forget.

  3. You’ll become resentful.
    Suppressing your real opinions to “keep the peace” will eventually explode—often in ways that damage relationships beyond repair.

  4. You’ll make bad decisions.
    Approval-seekers make choices to be liked, not because they are right.

Historical Examples of Those Who Risked Being Hated

Let’s make this real. History belongs to those willing to be despised:

  • Galileo Galilei — Condemned by the Catholic Church for declaring the Earth revolved around the Sun. He died under house arrest, but his ideas shaped modern science.

  • Rosa Parks — Vilified in her time for refusing to give up her seat, yet her defiance became a catalyst for the Civil Rights Movement.

  • Muhammad Ali — Stripped of his boxing title and banned from the sport for refusing to fight in Vietnam. Today, he’s remembered as one of the greatest athletes and activists of all time.

They didn’t win approval—they earned respect. That’s the difference.

Modern Examples

Even today, those who refuse to bend face backlash:

  • Elon Musk — Polarizing and often criticized, but drives entire industries forward by making unpopular, high-risk bets.

  • Dave Chappelle — Faces constant controversy for refusing to censor himself, yet remains one of the most respected comedians in the world.

  • Greta Thunberg — Mocked and attacked by political leaders, but still managed to start a global environmental movement before turning 20.

The Myth of Universal Approval

Here’s the reality check: Someone already hates you—and they might not even know you.

  • Your job? Too corporate for some, not ambitious enough for others.

  • Your politics? Too left, too right, or too centrist.

  • Your lifestyle? Too traditional, too progressive, too risky, too safe.

You could hand out gold bars on the street and someone would still accuse you of not giving out diamonds.

Signs You’re Still Stuck in Approval Prison

  • You soften your language to avoid disagreement.

  • You check who viewed your posts more than you check your bank account.

  • You worry about what “they” will think—without knowing who “they” are.

  • You change your tone depending on who’s listening.

If that stings, it’s because you see yourself in it.

Real Solutions: How to Build the Courage to Be Hated

This isn’t about being rude or reckless—it’s about being authentic enough to stand by what you believe, even when it costs you approval.

1. Define Your Non-Negotiables

You can’t stand for something if you don’t know what that “something” is.
Write down your top 5 values. If a decision violates one of them, the answer is no—even if saying “no” loses you friends, followers, or opportunities.

2. Practice Disappointing People

Start small: decline an invitation you don’t want to attend, refuse to agree with something you know is wrong.
Your job is not to be agreeable—it’s to be truthful.

3. Rewire Your Feedback Loop

Stop asking, “Do they like me?” and start asking, “Do I respect myself for how I acted?”

4. Get Comfortable With Silence

Most approval-seekers talk to fill discomfort. Practice letting moments breathe without rushing to make others feel better.

5. Surround Yourself With People Who Value Truth Over Comfort

If your circle punishes honesty, find a new circle.

The Long-Term Payoff

Living without the constant need for approval means:

  • You attract relationships built on respect, not convenience.

  • You make decisions faster because you’re not polling for opinions.

  • You free up mental energy to actually live, instead of playing PR manager for your own life.

You Have to Choose or the world will chose for you

You can live for approval or you can live for respect. You cannot do both.

Approval will keep you liked for a while. Respect will keep you remembered forever.

The question is—when the dust settles, do you want people to say “I always liked them”…
or “I couldn’t ignore them”?

The first is safe. The second changes the world.


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