The Ghost of Ninja Roley Family Forms a Past

 

“The Ghost of Ninja Roley Family Forms a Past”

By: C.G Mcfadden

I had no real interest in wasting my time on a bully like Don Roley. Honestly, he’s like the human equivalent of background noise — irritating enough to notice but never important enough to matter. But since he’s such a large, unavoidable chunk of the runny internet diarrhea that’s splattered across martial arts forums for years, I figured… what the hell. Let’s add him to the list.

Now, to give Don credit, he is fast — not in the “land a punch” or “tap someone out” way, but in the same way George W. Bush was fast when he dodged that shoe. Blink and he’s already sidestepped whatever steaming pile he left behind. It’s almost impressive, watching a grown man play the Ninja Bread Man — “Run, run, as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m the keyboard man!” — dodging accountability with the reflexes of a caffeinated ferret.

So here we are, diving into the strange, sticky mess that is Don Roley’s public life — a cocktail of forum rants, personal scandals, and ninja-grade disappearing acts. And yes, The is  plenty to say but I'm not sure If he has earned my time yet. Hey Roley no one is watching you "BOO!"

 

There’s internet tough guys, and then there’s Don Roley — the online martial arts cryptid who somehow manages to puff his chest from behind a keyboard while dodging real-life confrontations with the precision of a man late for his own funeral. If martial arts forums were high school, Don wouldn’t be the quarterback or the class clown. He’d be the weird older guy who graduated fifteen years ago but still shows up in the parking lot to argue about karate with the janitor.

For decades now, Roley has been sharpening his one true martial skill: typing angry posts at people who could tie him into a human pretzel if he ever actually stepped onto the mat. And for a man so committed to “calling people out,” he’s got an uncanny ninja-level ability to never be there when the challenge is accepted. Not in the gym, not in the alley, not anywhere. If avoiding fights was an Olympic sport, this guy’s trophy case would put Michael Phelps to shame.

But internet chest-puffing is just the appetizer here. The man’s personal history reads like a true crime podcast episode nobody asked for. We’ve got allegedly three or more marriages under his belt (and under the rug), a trail of wives who’ve tragically passed away under circumstances that raise more questions than answers, and a father’s death that — depending on which rumor mill you’re tuned into — was self-defense, murder, or just conveniently never explained. Don claims he was cleared, but oddly, no case files have ever surfaced. You’d think a man so obsessed with “truth” would be waving those papers like a white belt waves his first certificate.

Then there’s the infamous chocolate penis incident — a bizarre highlight in a career built on provoking people so badly they mail you expensive edible insults. Sure, it’s objectively hilarious, but it begs the question: what do you have to do to someone to make them think, “Yes, I will spend $ to send you a giant candy phallus”? Come on people you know that shit is funny. 

And let’s not skip the darker allegations. Years back, whispers surfaced about Roley allegedly sexually assaulting his teacher’s daughter. Now, either he did, in which case he deserves the full wrath of the community and the law, or he didn’t, in which case the accuser owes him a public apology and a cleared name. But here’s the thing: in Don’s world, everything stays in the fog — half rumors, half denials, and 100% unsatisfying answers.

At the end of the day, Don Roley’s legacy isn’t martial skill, isn’t teaching, isn’t even winning arguments. It’s being the guy who talks like a street fighter, hides like a monk, and lives in a constant state of digital dumpster fire — possibly of his own making. And maybe that’s the real ninja art here: disappearing from accountability faster than you can type “allegedly.”