When the Law Looks the Other Way The Silent Crisis of Male Sexual Assault

 

When the Law Looks the Other Way: The Silent Crisis of Male Sexual Assault

By: Dr. C.G. Mcfadden

casper.mcfadden@mail.com

We are living in a time where we are told to "believe survivors." But that belief, that empathy, that call to action—it often comes with conditions. The most glaring of those conditions? That the survivor fits a certain mold: young, female, and helpless.

Let’s challenge that.

Let’s talk about something that rarely makes headlines, never fits the narrative, and is almost always dismissed with a smirk, a joke, or a flat-out denial: when men are sexually assaulted by women.

Yes. It happens.

And yes, we are still pretending it doesn't.

The Story No One Wants to Hear

About four years ago, I interviewed a man in his early forties—intelligent, articulate, and emotionally raw—who had been sexually assaulted. Not in a prison. Not by another man. Not in some back-alley ambush.

He was assaulted by a female friend in her own home.

He was on new medication for depression that made him disoriented, drowsy, and vulnerable. He went to help her prepare for a move—he thought it was a friendly favor. Instead, he became a victim. She made her intentions clear: she told him flat-out that she was going to have him "one more time before she moved." And she did. He was too drugged and disoriented to fight, flee, or even process what was happening.

She later mocked him for it. Laughed about it. Belittled him. Threatened to do it again.

She even dared him to go to the police. “What are you going to do? Law & Order me?” she sneered.

The Systemic Blind Spot

Now let’s talk about what happened when he did try to process it.

Nothing.

Because the system wasn’t built for him.

Because he’s a man.

Because unless you're talking about a prison rape scenario or a male victim in a same-sex assault, most people—including police, prosecutors, and therapists—struggle to even acknowledge the possibility of a man being assaulted by a woman.

Somewhere along the line, male victimhood got rewritten as weakness. As impossible. As laughable.

Men are told to man up. To get over it. To enjoy it, even.

Meanwhile, the legal system has gaping holes when it comes to male survivors. Rape laws in many jurisdictions still define penetration as a prerequisite—ignoring coercion, drugging, and other forms of manipulation that don't fit the narrow mold of what we think rape looks like.

The Psychology of Silence

This man didn’t even identify as a victim at first.

Why? Because men aren't conditioned to think that what happened to them can be assault.

He blamed himself.

He tried to convince himself it was consensual.

He asked: Was I too nice? Should I have seen it coming? Was it my fault for being there?

His therapist and psychiatrist had to show him what he was feeling was valid and real and there was nothing to be ashamed of. He stated that once he had come to terms with what had happened he no longer could be convinced it was his fault, He was coming to terms with everything and in fact he knew he had been sexually assaulted.

Let that sink in.

A grown man needed months of therapy to believe what had been done to him was wrong.

What Needs to Change?

Everything.

• Laws need to evolve to be gender-neutral in both wording and enforcement. Sexual assault is not a women’s issue. It’s a human issue.

• Support systems must be equipped to handle male victims without judgment, disbelief, or emasculation.

• Education must include the understanding that women can be perpetrators. Men can be victims. Vulnerability isn’t gendered.

• Conversations must stop defaulting to jokes and start getting serious. Because for every man like the one I interviewed, there are countless others suffering in silence. Afraid to come forward. Afraid of not being believed. Afraid of being mocked.

The Hard Questions

Can a woman sexually assault a man?

Yes.

Can she be smaller than him? Weaker?

Yes.

Can she weaponize trust, emotional manipulation, medication, shame, and threats?

Absolutely.

So here’s my question for you:

Why are we still acting like she can’t?

Lets be clear This isn’t about taking attention away from female or child survivors. This is about telling the whole truth about the system and the messed up way that society is.

All survivors deserve protection. All survivors deserve justice.

Until we stop filtering who “counts” as a victim through outdated gender norms, we will continue to fail the very people who need us most.

And that includes men.

So if this makes you uncomfortable—good.

Maybe now you’ll talk about it.

The silence ends now, no one deserves to be assaulted or taken advantage of. It should be noted that the Victim never did file charges or anything that nature, he didn't even report it to the authorities for many reasons. I will not go much further into detail due to my agreement with him but I will say that his view on this subject has changed from what it was in the past. "I just want everyone to think long and hard before they go and possibly ruin someones life. Yes I should have filed charges but in the end it wouldn't have been worth it to me, because the truth is I knew deep down that she could not be fully trusted with me under the influence of my medication. But I needed the work so I went to give a quote and then I was assaulted" we both played apart in this situation, she knew i was on my medication and I knew I should not have went over there but allowed my need for work to effect my choices." -Thomas

If you or someone you know is a male survivor of sexual assault, you're not alone. Speak up. Speak out. And demand better.